Famous Quotations to Entertain, Famous Sayings to Elicit Chuckles, and Famous Funny Quotes to Lift Your Spirits and Make you Smile

There are many famous quotations and famous sayings that can brighten your day, lift your spirits, educate and inspire, help you become a better person - and so much more ...

Famous quotes and famous sayings are very common, and nearly every famous person that has ever lived has come up with a number of famous sayings, quotes and famous proverbs.

Many of the famous funny quotations and famous sayings by famous people throughout history have a way of making you laugh and lifting your spirits, and you will find that many of the famous sayings and famous quotes by authors, presidents, world leaders, actors, and other famous personages can be exactly what you need to start your day - or give you the motivation to make it through another day, particularly if it's 'one of those days'.

So, what follows are some of the best famous quotes ever.

Perusing these can be a great way to kick off your day, and the assortment of famous funny quotes and inspiring quotations can lift your spirits and make you smile - which we at Quotescoop.com consider one of the coolest ways to live.

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Famous Motivational Quotations by Mark Twain

Mark Twain a.k.a. Samuel Langhorne Clemens (1835-1910), American author and humorist, is famous for his many famous funny quotes and famous sayings that have inspired and entertained many throughout history. The American author is well known for many famous motivational quotations as well as his many writings that contributed to improving American society of his day.

Many of his quotations and famous sayings are designed to lift your heart and bring a smile to your face, such as:

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
~ Mark Twain ~

This famous quotation by Mark Twain is an entertaining reminder that those who "toot their own horn" are often those who are most useless.

Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.
~ Mark Twain ~

Many of Mark Twain's quotations reinforced the importance of laughter and humor.

Trouble are only mental; it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind that can gorge them, banish them, abolish them.
~ Mark Twain ~

Yes, you are right - I am a moralist in disguise; it gets me into heaps of trouble when I go thrashing around in political questions.
~ Mark Twain ~

The man who is a pessimist before forty ~ eight knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.
~ Mark Twain ~

Many of Mark Twain's quotations and famous sayings poked fun at old age, and many more of his famous funny quotes poked fun at politicians:

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or imbeciles who really mean it.
~ Mark Twain ~

When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.
~ Mark Twain ~

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
~ Mark Twain ~

When you cannot get a compliment in any other way, pay yourself one.
~ Mark Twain ~

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Famous Quotations by U.S. Presidents

Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865), the 16th President of the United States, is considered one of the most important men in American History, and many famous quotes and famous sayings are attributed to Abraham Lincoln.

Lincoln is known for many of his famous funny quotes that hid real truths, and his famous quotes, no matter how entertaining, always contained hidden truths that are important in life today.

Here's Abraham Lincoln's famous quotation on the reason why silence is a vital part of appearing intelligent:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~

One of Lincoln's famous funny quotes refers to a particular lawyer who vexed him greatly:

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas better than any man I have ever met.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~

You can fool some of the people all of time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool all of the people all of the time.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~

Abraham Lincoln was known as a man of honesty and many of his quotations and famous sayings like the above one pays testament to his honesty and the priority he placed on integrity.

According to Lincoln's famous quotations, people have the right to decide to be happy or not.

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), one of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America, the principal author of the Declaration of Independence (1776) and the third President of the United States (1801–1809), was also known as a man of virtue, and many of his quotations and famous sayings are witness of his integrity.

Be polite to all, but intimate with few.
~ Thomas Jefferson ~

Bigotry is the disease of ignorance, of morbid minds; enthusiasm of the free and buoyant. Education and free discussion are the antidote of both.
~ Thomas Jefferson ~

 

Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790), is another one of the Founding Fathers of the United States of America, but also scientist, inventor (of the lightning rod, bifocal glasses, and more), postmaster, author, satirist, printer, political theorist, politician, civic activist, diplomat and statesman.

Ben Franklin has many famous quotes and famous sayings attributed to him, and many of his famous funny quotes are oft repeated:

Wise men don't need advice. Fools never take it.
~ Benjamin Franklin ~

Blessed is he who never expects anything, for he shall never be disappointed.
~ Benjamin Franklin ~

In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
~ Benjamin Franklin ~

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
~ Benjamin Franklin ~

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.
~ Benjamin Franklin ~

He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
~ Benjamin Franklin ~

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Quotes by Lewis Carroll

Lewis Carroll is the pen name for Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (1832-1898), the author of the classic children's book "Alice in Wonderland" and its sequel "Through the Looking-Glass".

A large portion of Lewis Carroll's work was purely nonsensical and fictional but full of both strict logic, fantasy and word play - which makes it very entertaining, and many of his quotations and famous sayings are equally entertaining.

Many famous funny quotes by Lewis Carroll are difficult to understand, and seem like a good deal of nonsense. However, the quotations by the English author reveal a man of depth and insight:

If it was so, it might be; and if it wasn't so, it would be; but as it isn't, it aint. It's just logic.
~ Lewis Carroll ~

If you drink much from a bottle market "poison" it is almost certain to disagree with you sooner or later.
~ Lewis Carroll ~

That's the reason they're called lessons ... because they lessen from day to day.
~ Lewis Carroll ~

Many famous quotations and famous sayings by Lewis Carroll come from his masterpiece, Alice in Wonderland:

It was much pleasanter at home, when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered around by mice and rabbits.
~ Lewis Carroll ~ (Alice in Wonderland Quotes)

The Queen had one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. "Off with his head!" she said without looking around.
~ Lewis Carroll ~ (Alice in Wonderland Quotes)

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
~ Lewis Carroll ~ (Alice in Wonderland Quotes)

There are three hundred and sixty four days when you might get un ~ birthday presents... and only one for birthday presents, you know.
~ Lewis Carroll ~ (Alice in Wonderland Quotes)

Some of Lewis Carroll's quotations and famous sayings show a brilliant mind beneath the pretense of insanity that is laid out in the pages of Alice in Wonderland:

Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.
~ Lewis Carroll ~

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Famous Quotes by Actors, Actresses, Directors, TV Anchors and other Famous Personalities

Many famous actors and actresses throughout history have come up with many famous quotes and famous sayings, as well as many famous funny quotes and famous motivational quotes.

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
~ Bob Hope ~

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
~ Bob Hope ~

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
~ Steve Martin ~

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you are an idiot.
¬~ Steve Martin ~

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
~ Steve Martin ~

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
~ Groucho Marx ~

Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
~ Groucho Marx ~

I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.
~ Groucho Marx ~

The best car safety device is a rear view mirror with a cop in it.
~ Dudley Moore ~

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.
¬~ Dudley Moore ~

A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones that need it.
~ Bill Cosby ~

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have children.
¬~ Bill Cosby ~

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ.
~ Bill Cosby ~

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
~ Will Rogers ~

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.
~ Will Rogers ~

Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.
~ Will Rogers ~

Robin Williams in particular has many famous quotes and famous sayings attributed to him, and his famous funny quotes and famous sayings have kept people in stitches for years:

Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.
~ Robin Williams ~

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
~ Robin Williams ~

Carpe per diem...seize the check.
~ Robin Williams ~

Spring is nature's way of saying "Let's party!"
~ Robin Williams ~

Many movie directors such as Woody Allen, Alfred Hitchcock and Mel Brooks have many quotations and famous funny quotes attributed to them.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
~ Woody Allen ~

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
~ Woody Allen ~

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
~ Woody Allen ~

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
~ Woody Allen ~

Money is better than poverty, if only for the financial reasons.
~ Woody Allen ~

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.
~ Alfred Hitchcock ~

Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
¬~ Alfred Hitchcock ~

Television has done much for psychiatry by spreading information about it, as well as contributing to the need for it.
~ Alfred Hitchcock ~

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
~ Alfred Hitchcock ~

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
~ Mel Brooks ~

Humor is just another defense against the universe.
~ Mel Brooks ~

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
~ Mel Brooks ~

You're always a little disappointing in person because you can't be the edited essence of yourself.
~ Mel Brooks ~

TV show anchors and talk show hosts are often the source of many famous funny quotes and famous sayings, as well as many more famous quotes that are insightful and valuable.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.
~ Jay Leno ~

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
~ Jay Leno ~

President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't want to, but it was the only group of people he could find that wasn't upset about the high price of gas.
~ Jay Leno ~

Yesterday in Egypt, archaeologists discovered the burial site for the fifty children of Ramses the Second ... Fifty children! What I want to know is: who decided to name a condom after this guy?
~ Conan O'Brien ~

There's no business like show business, but there's several businesses like accounting.
~ David Letterman ~

I cannot sing, dance, or act - what else would I be but a talk show host?
~ David Letterman ~

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
~ David Letterman ~

Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed and a Peeping Tom looked in the window, took a look, and pulled down the shade.
~ Joan Rivers ~

The one thing women don't want to find in their Christmas stockings on Christmas is their husband.
~ Joan Rivers ~

I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, He would have placed diamonds on the floor.
~ Joan Rivers ~

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Famous Quotations by Famous Authors

Authors around the world are known for their famous sayings, famous quotes, and many famous funny quotes have been produced by some of the world's most famous writers.

The numerous funny quotations and famous sayings by authors have been a help to many people, and these famous quotes and famous sayings have changed lives through the literature of many people.

One of the men most famous for many of his quotations and famous sayings related to belief in Christ is G. K. Chesterton (1864-1936), the man famous for the "Father Brown" series of mystery novels.

Many of G. K. Chesterton's quotations and famous sayings have to do with morality and beliefs, such as:

Art, like morality, consists of drawing a line somewhere.
~ G. K. Chesterton ~

When learned men begin to use their reason, then I generally discover that they haven't got any.
~ G. K. Chesterton ~

If there were no God, there would be no atheists.
~ G. K. Chesterton ~

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are the same people.
~ G. K. Chesterton ~

Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property so they may more perfectly respect it.
~ G. K. Chesterton ~

Another author of many famous funny quotes is Douglas Adams (1952-2001), dramatist and writer - author of the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" series of really crazy but wildly entertaining science fiction books:

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves into a position of power should on no account be allowed to do the job.
~ Douglas Adams ~

The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks.
~ Douglas Adams ~

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
~ Douglas Adams ~

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has widely been regarded as a bad move.
~ Douglas Adams ~

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go by.
~ Douglas Adams ~

Dave Barry (born 1947) is a famous American humor columnist and Pulitzer Prize-winning author, and many of his famous funny quotes are truly a work of genius:

I've noticed one thing about parents is no matter what stage your child is in, parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.
~ Dave Barry ~

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
~ Dave Barry ~

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often that individual is crazy.
~ Dave Barry ~

And so, by the 15th century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.
~ Dave Barry ~

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Famous Motivational Quotes by World Leaders

Many world leaders throughout history have produced many famous quotations, famous sayings, and many famous funny quotes.

Each of the leaders that are known for their famous sayings and famous quotations have been revered throughout history as key leaders in their countries, and many of their famous sayings and famous quotations have changed lives, conquered nations, and entertained millions as some of George W. Bush's (born 1946) sayings have done:

To those of you who received honors, awards, and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day become the President of the United States.
~ George W. Bush ~

In my sentences I go where no man has gone before...I am a boon to the English language.
~ George W. Bush ~

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and those are the people you want to concentrate on.
~ George W. Bush ~

Winston Churchill (1874-1965), British Prime Minister and statesman was famous for his drive, determination, and persistence in World War II. He actually had a background as a British officer, but he was also an artist, a historian and a Nobel Prize winning author.

Furthermore, Churchill was also the very first person to be made an honorary citizen of the United States of America. Sir Winston Churchill has many famous funny quotes attributed to him, such as these Winston Churchill Quotes:

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
~ Winston Churchill ~

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is ready to go through the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
~ Winston Churchill ~

The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.
~ Winston Churchill ~

Men occasionally stumble on the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
~ Winston Churchill ~

U.S. president Harry S. Truman (1884-1972) was another world leader that had charisma, wit, and charm, as he so often demonstrated with his many famous funny quotes:

My choice in early life was either to be a piano player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there is hardly any difference.
~ Harry S. Truman ~

If you can't convince them, confuse them.
~ Harry S. Truman ~

All the president is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing, and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway.
~ Harry S. Truman ~

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
~ Harry S. Truman ~

Ronald Reagan (1911-2004), movie actor and the 40th President of the United States, is another U.S. president known for his dry humor and wit, and many of his famous funny quotes are repeated today.

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses ran them through the U.S. Congress.
~ Ronald Reagan ~

Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
~ Ronald Reagan ~

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
~ Ronald Reagan ~

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
~ Ronald Reagan ~

External links to really cool websites with pages relevant to this page:

• At Wisegeek.com: Mark Twain

• Brief, interesting facts about Abraham Lincoln at Buzzle.com

• Biography of Thomas Jefferson at the White House

• Biography of Benjamin Franklin at USHistory.org

• As described on WikiPedia: Lewis Carroll and his work

• A website dedicated to the Marx brothers (incl., of course, Groucho Marx): marx-brothers.org

• On the Internet Movie Database: Bio of Woody Allan, trivia about Mel Brooks and Biography for Alfred Hitchcock