Funny Birthday Greetings & Witty Messages for your Speech, Toast or Card

Lift up everybody's spirit with funny birthday greetings

Other than being surrounded by loved ones and eating fabulous birthday cakes, one of they best things about birthdays may be the number of birthday greetings.  

Some happy birthday messages are inspirational and insightful while other have a more basic function. Making you and others around you laugh!

If you plan on making a birthday speech or writing a birthday card, sort through and feel free to use these funny birthday phrases to elicit a chuckle from the celebrants.

Birthdays are a time for humor, and no birthday would be complete without funny birthday greetings in the form of hilarious happy birthday messages.

Some of the funniest people in history have been famous people who should have been serious, but enjoyed life too much to take life too seriously.

For some of the best and most entertaining of the funny birthday greetings, you need to turn back the pages of history to find funny happy birthday messages and funny birthday phrases:

By the time you are 80, you have learned everything. You only have to remember it.
~ George Burns ~

The tendency of old age to the body, say the physiologists, is to form bone. It is as rare as it is pleasant to meet with an old man whose opinions are not ossified.
~ J. F. Boyse ~

Probably the happiest period in life most frequently is middle age, when the eager passions of youth are cooled, and the infirmities of age not yet begun; as we see that the shadows, which are at morning and evening so large, almost disappear entirely at midday.
~ Thomas Arnold ~

In the name of Hypocrites, doctors have invented the most exquisite form of torture: survival.
~ Luis Bunuel ~

Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little, repent too soon, and seldom drive business home to the full period, but content themselves with the mediocrity of success.
~ Francis Bacon ~

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing; yet our inward man is being renewed day by day.
~ The Bible ~

To resist the frigidity of old age, one must combine the body, the mind, and the heart. And to keep these in parallel vigor, one must exercise, study, and love.
~ Bonstettin ~

She was a handsome woman of 45, and would remain so for many years.
~ Anita Brookmer ~

A man of eighty has probably outlived three new schools of painting, two of architecture and poetry, and a hundred in dress.
~ Joyce Carey ~

It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid that I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.
~ Emily Carr ~

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.
~ Clarence Darrow ~

Few women, I fear, have had such reason as I have to think the long sad years of youth we worth living for the sake of reaching middle age.
~ George Eliot ~

Use Funny Birthday Greetings to Cheer up Those who Fear Getting Older

Birthdays are a source of joy for some, and a source of sorrow for others.

Many people, except the very young of course, look at each new year as one step towards the end of their lives.

Thus for some people birthdays represent the traditional fears associated with old age: age associated illnesses along with more cosmetic concerns such as perceived withering beauty and losing the smoothness of the skin of youth.

For others again, a birthday is a day of counting your accomplishments and making status, not of what has been achieved but of what has not been achieved.

Let's make a joint effort of cheering up these people who for some reason or other find birthdays difficult.

Here are some funny birthday greetings that you can use in your efforts to make even birthday sufferes smile either because of the sarcastic spirit in the happy birthday messages, the truth in the uplifting happy birthday quotes or because of the sheer funny nature of these funny birthday greetings:

Birthdays are an annual excuse,
A way of saying things we ought to say.
Relatively few can sing their love
Unless they do it on some special day.
Hearts are shy, and words of little use.
But now I want to tell you that I love you,
Open up my heart and say the things
Friends seldom say to one another
'Cause of the embarrassment it brings.
However long we live, I'll be with you.
~ Happy Birthday Messages ~

The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
~ T. S. Eliot ~

Among the virtues and vices that make up the British character, we have one vice, at least, that Americans ought to view with sympathy. For they appear to be the only people who share it with us. I mean our worship of the antique. I do not refer to beauty or even historical association. I refer to age, a quantity of years.
~ William Golding ~

The value of old age depends upon the person who reaches it. To some men of early performance it is useless. To others, who are late to develop, it just enables them to finish the job.
~ Thomas Hardy ~

Old age, believe me, is a good and pleasant thing. It is true that you are gently shouldered off the stage, but then you are given such a comfortable front stall as a spectator.
~ Jane Harrison ~

Nobody expects to trust his body overmuch after the age of fifty.
~ Edward Hoagland ~

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think that he is growing old.
~ Washington Irving ~

My only fear is that I may live too long. That would be a subject of dread for me.
~ Thomas Jefferson ~

When I was as you are now, towering in the confidence of twenty one, little did I suspect that I should be at forty nine what I am now.
~ Samuel Johnson ~

In my twenties, my pleasure tended to be physical. In my thirties, my pleasures tended to be intellectual. I can't say which was more exquisite.
~ Steve Kangas ~

The great secret that all old people share is that you really haven't changed in 70 or 80 years. Your body changes, but you don't change at all. And that, of course, causes great confusion.
~ Doris Lessing ~

Funny Birthday Messages Contain Life's Truths in Few Words!

Funny birthday greetings have a lot more potential than one tends to think.

Funny birthday greetings are about more than birthdays. The very best ones contain the very essence of life and living. Not bad, hey!

So funny birthday phrases may help you change your perspective on your passing life, and the many funny happy birthday messages and funny birthday phrases can give you a shot of laughter and humor that will change your perspective on life as you know it.

In this way many of the funny birthday greeting on this page are not just relevant on birthdays but are in fact deep, inspirational truths spoken with a few powerful, often very funny, well-selected words.

Many of these funny birthday sayings and quotes can help you to have a positive outlook on your advancing years, and you may find that these happy birthday messages in the form of funny birthday phrases are just what you needed to lift your spirits on this special day:

"Happy Birthday" means much more
Than have a happy day.
Within these words lie lots of things
I never get to say.
It means I love you first of all,
Then thanks for all you do.
It means you mean a lot to me,
And that I'm proud of you.
But most of all, I guess it means
That I am thinking of
Your happiness on this, your day,
With pleasure and with love.

Women over fifty already form one of the largest groups in the population structure of the western world. As long as they like themselves, they will not be an oppressed minority. In order to like themselves they must reject trivialization by others of who and what they are. A grown woman should not have to masquerade as a girl in order to remain in the land of the living.
~ Germaine Greer ~

Perhaps being old is like having lighted rooms inside your head, and people in them, acting. People you know, yet can't quite name.
~ Philip Larkin ~

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.
~ Doug Larson ~

It is a sobering thought, that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
~ Tom Lehrer ~

Middle age is the time when a man is thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
~ Don Marquis ~

Another year older? Think this way Just another day older than yesterdayFunny Birthday Messages ~

This card is filled with wishes
For a a very special day,
One that brings a world of joy
And happiness your way-
It's also filled with loving thoughts
Especially meant for you,
For you're the kind of person
Happy things should happen to!
Funny Birthday Phrases ~

Youth is a circumstance you can't do anything about. The trick is to grow up without getting old.
~ Frank Lloyd Wright ~

May you die in your bed at age 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
May the good Lord take a liking to you, but not too soon.
May you live to be 100 years, with one extra year to repent.
May the doctor never earn a pound out of you.
May God grant you many years to live, for sure he must be knowing the earth has angels all too few and heaving is overflowing...
We drink to your coffin. May it be built from the wood of a hundred year old oak tree that I shall plant tomorrow.
~ Irish Birthday Toast ~