Funny Confucius Sayings
- Some of the Best Hilarious Jokes

• Welcome to the hilarious Mecca of funny Confucius sayings, Confucius jokes and funny Confucius quotes

• Hilarious Confucius sayings have nothing to do with Confucius but everything to do with fun (read more about what is so special and unique about Confucius jokes here

• 'Confucius say' are funny one line jokes that manage to lie somewhere in-between crude comedy and sophisticated humour

• 'Quotescoop.com say' ... Go, have fun with it

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Confucius Jokes about Conjugal Confusions

Confucius say: Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Confucius say: Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!

Confucius say: Wife not part of furniture, until screwed on bed.

Confucius say: Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Confucius say: He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.

Confucius say: Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.

Confucius say: When wife complain too much about no magic in marriage, husband will disappear.

Confucius say: Man who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued.

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Funny Confucius Sayings That Leave Nothing Left 'Behind'

Confucius say: Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Confucius say: Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Confucius say: Man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with sticky fingers!

Confucius say: Man who behaves like an ass will be the butt of those who crack jokes.

Confucius say: He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.

Confucius say: Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.

Confucius say: Man that is stuck in pantry has his ass in jam.

Confucius say: Man who farts in church sits in his own pew!

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Confucius Really Knows How to Crack Some Jokes

Confucius say: Man who sells Kotex, is crack salesman.

Confucius say: Man who put head on Railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.

Confucius say: Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.

Confucius say: Woman pilot who fly upside down have crack up.

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Hilarious Confucius Sayings That Let Money Do the Talking

Confucius say: Man who comes into money, have sticky financial situation.

Confucius say: Man who work all day for a pool maintenance company, will feel drained.

Confucius say: He who masturbates in front of cash register come into money.

Confucius say: Banker who sits in freezer, will have frozen assets.

Confucius say: Man who finds job at crystal ball company will make a fortune.

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Wet Funny Confucius Jokes

Confucius say: Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.

Confucius say: Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

Confucius say: Don't sweat the petty stuff ... and don't pet the sweaty stuff.

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Funny Confucius Quotes That Will Light up Your Day

Confucius say: Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes will soon burn out!

Confucius say: He who light the fuse of love, get big bang.

Confucius say: Rich old bachelor is man who have money to burn but no pilot light.

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Cocky Confucius Jokes

Confucius say: Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Confucius say: He who plays with self, pulls boner.

Confucius say: Man with five dicks will have pants that fit like a glove.

Confucius say: Woman who is in love with priest will chase him through church and grab him by the organ.

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And Now for Some Old, Hairy Confucius Jokes

Confucius say: Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.

Confucius say: Girl who have red hair have red hair, by cracky.

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Sweet But not so Innocent Funny Confucius Sayings About Girls

Confucius say: Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed.

Confucius say: Man who lay girl on hill not on level.

Confucius say: Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss.

Confucius say: Man who marries girl with no bust have right to feel low down.

Confucius say: Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honourable discharge.

Confucius say: It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.

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Sweet, Funny Confucius Jokes

Confucius say: He who eat cookie in bed, will wake up feeling crumby.

Confucius say: He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.

Confucius say: He who put face in punch bowl get punch in nose.

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Funny Confucius Sayings That May Require Some Medical Attention

Confucius say: Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.

Confucius say: Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax, dosen't know if he's coming or going.

Confucius say: Company who make women's vibrators is called, Genital Electric.

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Random Funny Confucius Quotes

Confucius say: Prisoner who paints in jail, will have brush with the law.

Confucius say: Geometry teacher who loses parrot, will have polygon.

Confucius say: Newscaster who reports hurricanes, knows how to talk up a storm.

Confucius say: Woman who dates trash collector, will get dumped.

Confucius say: Nurse who goes missing at beach, can be found under the doc.

Confucius say: Student who study history, will find there is no future in it.

Confucius say: Lady who goes down first time out, is called "Titanic".

Confucius say: Man who wants to kill a circus troupe, should go for the juggler.

Confucius say: Woman who loses wedding ring in kitchen, should remove her drawers.

Confucius say: Woman who wear something from Victoria's Secret, have no more secrets.

Confucius say: He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.

Confucius say: Woman who gives away free potato chips, will offer you a free lay.

Confucius say: Surgeon who make mistake, forced to take a cut in salary.

Confucius say: Army like blow job the closer to discharge you get, the better it feels.

Confucius say: Man who smoke pot, choke on handle.

Confucius say: Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!

Confucius say: Man with clear conscience have bad memory.

Confucius say: Man who burns yard is said to smoke a lot of weed.

Confucius say: Man who is jacking off into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.