Funny Confucius Quotes, Jokes & Sayings

Let funny Confucius quotes, jokes and sayings spice up your day ... or so 'Confucius say' - he 'say' a lot by the way (read more about facts and rules for Confucius quotes here) 

Hilarious Confucius Quotes That Will Make You Go 'Nuts'

Confucius say: Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.

Confucius say: Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.

Confucius say: A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish, but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts.

Funny Confucius Sayings about Man and Woman

Confucius say: Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.

Confucius say: Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!

Confucius say: He who let woman on top is fucking up.

Confucius say: Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets tit-bit.

Confucius say: Man with hard problem usually give it to woman.

Confucius say: Man who dates dynamite lady, gets big bang out of her.

Some Confucius Jokes all Ready to Flush

Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!

Confucius say: House without toilet is uncanny.

Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.

Confucius say: Fly which rests on toilet seat gets pissed off.

Confucius Quotes That Would Make Confucius Feel Right Back at Home

Confucius say: Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Confucius say: Gay man in Chinese restaurant will order "sum yung guy".

Confucius say: Chinese couple who have white baby, name it " Sum Ting Wong"

Confucius say: If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented.

Animalistic Confucius Jokes - Don't Take Pet

Confucius say: Man who throw a cat out car window, makes kitty litter.

Confucius say: Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.

Confucius say: Hamsters which crawl into the wrong orifice get shit-faced.

Confucius say: Squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts, man lay on crack and rock nuts. Confucius say: Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.

Confucius Kiss-and-tell Jokes

Confucius say: Passionate kiss like spider's web soon lead to undoing of fly.

Confucius say: Man who snatch kisses when young, kisses snatches when old. s when old.

Confucius say: Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face. Confucius say: Girl who marry detective must kiss dick.

Funny Confucius Quotes That Make You Face the Music

Confucius say: Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.

Confucius say: Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.

And Now for Some Sharp Confucius jokes

Confucius say: Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.

Confucius say: Man who sit on tack get point! get point!

Confucius say: Butcher who back into meat-grinder, get a little behind in his orders.

Confucius say: He who has a sharp tongue cuts own throat.

Confucius' World of Make-believe

Confucius say: Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs.

Confucius say: Men who put cream in tart, not always a baker.

Confucius say: Woman who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Confucius say: Man who checks out woman's package, dosen't always work for UPS.

Confucius say: When man bring wife flowers for no reason, there usually reason.

Hilarious Confucius Quotes Heading for Trouble

Confucius say: He who stick head in open window get pane in neck.

Confucius say: Man with head up ass, can't see for shit.

Confucius say: Man who mix Rogaine with Viagra will end up hard headed.

Confucius say: He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!

Rash Confucius Jokes

Confucius say: Man who jumps off cliff, jumps to conclusion!

Confucius say: Man piss in wind, wind piss back.

Confucius say: Boy fool with girl in wrong period get caught red handed.

Confucius say: He who pull out too fast leave rubber behind.

Random Stuff from Funny Confucius

Confucius say: Man who drop watch in whisky is wasting time.

Confucius say: Man who have circumcision lose a bit of foresight.

Confucius say: Man who masturbate only screwing self.

Confucius say: Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.

Confucius say: Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.

Confucius say: Sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel.

Confucius say: He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.

Confucius say: Man with one foot on 'yesterday' and one foot on 'tomorrow' will end up pissing on 'today'.

Confucius say: Woman who come to bed wearing nothing but running shoes, wants to have marathon session.

Confucius say: Prostitute who likes bondage is usually strapped for cash.

Confucius say: A butler with no teeth is called an in-dentured servant.

Confucius say: Man who give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach will "Abdicate".

Confucius say: Man who is impotent will have Willy-nilly.

Confucius say: Mummys who take vacation, will relax and unwind.

Confucius say: Man who pamper his cow, will get spoiled milk.

Confucius say: Woman who fall in love with elevator operator, usually get the shaft.

Confucius say: Woman who dates gambler, gets cheated on.