Funny Inspirational Quotes
and Short Humorous Phrases

• Get lots of funny inspirational quotes in this amusing, yet ...
• ... truth-based motivation article / motivation essay.
• Get timeless wisdom while being entertained.
• The perfect grounds for chuckling or even laughing out loud. 

• If you prefer, you can skip the laugh-filled intro below and jump directly to the overview of this motivation article

Having Fun is a Life Preserving Way of Life

When we at Quotescoop.com started writing this page, we weren't sure which focus we wanted it to have.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
~ Funny inspirational quote ~

All we knew was that we wanted to inspire you, make you laugh out loud - and we wanted to have fun doing so. Because, you know, laughter is healthy for you (it's been scientifically proven, too).

He who laughs, lasts.
~ Mary P. Poole ~

Seven days without laughter make one weak.
~ Joel Goodman ~

When anybody laughs, he has no mind, no thought, no problem, no suffering.
~ Sri H. W. L. Poonja (Papaji) ~

Laughing, how can you fall asleep? It brings a state of no-mind and no-thought, and does not allow you to fall asleep.
~ Osho (Chandra Mohan Jain) ~

If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.
~ Marie Osmond ~

So, read on for a big bunch of funny quotes that'll make you (and your friends) smile or maybe even laugh out loud - and keep you healthy.

Your Jumping Guide

This inspirational and motivational article is a bit like a reflective essay, a motivation essay full of great short funny quotes. This paragraph ('Your Jumping Guide') will give you an overview of it.

In case you want to jump to a particular point in this motivation article the hyperlinked headlines below will take you there:

You're alive, so why not have fun while you're at it: Having Fun is a Life Preserving Way of Life (that's the intro above, which you may already read).

To get somewhere the least you can do is choose the direction: Have Goals ... or at Least a Direction You Want to Go.

And you'll learn soon enough that you're likely to get nowhere fast unless you: Motivate Yourself.

Well motivated, perhaps just by following your heart, you'll want to: Take Action, Get Going ... But Don't Rush, because Stress Makes You Dumb.

Whatever you do, you'll have the most pleasure (and achieve the best results) if you: Do Your Best and you Stay Positive.

And so we get to the Final Quotes: How to Win the Game of Life.

There. That's it. That's what this inspirational article is all about. And here it comes ...

Have Goals ... or at Least a Direction You Want to Go

Goals are great for getting you where you want to go. Assuming, that is, that you know where that is.

If you don't, then maybe all you need is a direction, and no direction is better than the one your heart tells you to go.

Can't feel what your heart is telling you? No worries, just take a few steps in any direction you like and then pause to experience what that's like.

If it's nice and pleasurable, you're probably moving in a direction that's right for you. If it's unpleasant, simply pick another direction, start moving and then pause to experience again.

Give me a stock clerk with a goal and I'll give you a man who will make history. Give me a man with no goals and I'll give you a stock clerk.
~ J.C. Penney ~

The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.
~ German Proverb ~

If you don't run your own life, somebody else will.
~ John Atkinson ~

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you're alive it isn't.
~ Richard Bach ~

Dogs have owners, cats have staff. Are you a dog or a cat?
~ Funny inspirational quote ~

If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
~ Yogi Berra ~

When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either.
~ Leo Burnett ~

Vision without action is daydream. Action without vision is nightmare.
~ Japanese proverb ~

Just remember one thing:

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
~ Steven Wright ~

Motivate Yourself

If you're not motivated then very little is going to happen. You need a reason to move, to do things, but that reason does NOT have to be thought out or planned.

Doing things because it feels right and pleasurable to do them is more than reason enough.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.
~ Wayne Dyer ~

Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts.
~ Funny inspirational saying ~

These motivational tapes have really inspired me! I’m going to make a million dollars, buy my own company and retire early. Then, I’m going to write a novel and a symphony and give all the profits to charity. Then next month, I’ll figure out how to do it.
~ Randy Glassberger ~

I was thinking one day and I realized that if I just had somebody behind me all the way to motivate me I could make a big difference. Nobody came along like that so I just became that person for myself.
~ Inspirational saying ~

When it comes to opportunities and your creation of your life, basically you have a handful of choices:

1) You seek out opportunities, use them, and create your own luck

2) You wait for opportunity to knock on your door - and when it does you seize it

3) You lock your door and wait for opportunity to knock it down - which it might, but probably won't

4) You focus solely on avoiding things, including opportunities, and live the life of the zombies, the living dead

5) Out of fear / depression you kill yourself - and start over with a new body but the same challenges
~ Soren Lauritzen ~ , the Personal Development Guy

You can either take it as a way to motivate yourself or be happy with what you've got.
~ Jeremy Bonderman ~

Funny Inspirational Quotes to Say:
Take Action, Get Going ...

If you do something, something happens. Most likely something connected to your actions.

If you do nothing, something probably happens anyway, but you have no influence on what it is.

I couldn't wait for success, so I went ahead without it.
~ Jonathan Winters ~

There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
~ Mary Kay Ash ~

If you rest, you rust.
~ Helen Hayes ~

You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.
~ Zig Ziglar ~

TThe elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time.
~ Joe Girard ~

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
~ Will Rogers ~

Don't Rush

So, seeking out opportunities, having goals and doing something is great, but so is taking it easy.

Not all these funny inspirational quotes are about doing-and-getting-there, because ultimately that's not where your bliss is located. It's actually here, now.

There's no time like the present, and you can hardly be present if you're always planning your next move and rushing out to do it.

Actually being present is the only way worth being since the present moment is where all our experiences take place. Even planning and reminiscing.

There is more to life than increasing its speed.
~ Mohandas K. Gandhi ~

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
~ i>Mae West ~

Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought.
~ Henri L. Bergson ~

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they fly by.
~ Douglas Adams ~

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
~ Albert Einstein ~

And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.
~ Mae West ~

In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away.
~ Shing Xiong ~

For fast acting relief try slowing down.
~ Lily Tomlin ~

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it!
~ Jim Goodwin and/or Sydney J. Harris ~

Stress Makes You Dumb

Yes, that's right: Stress makes you dumb.

Some people claim that stress is a good thing which keeps us on our toes, keeps us doing our best. That's a lie! Stress makes us stupid. The more stressed , the more stupid. When we panic we're morons! So take it easy. Don't get stressed. Relax. Breathe. And allow your brain to keep working. Depending on your brain that may or may not help much, but it'll sure make you feel better.
~ Soren Lauritzen ~ , the Personal Development Guy

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
~ George F. Burns ~ (American actor and comedian who lived from 1896 to 1996!)

Inspirational legend also has it that some time ago a journalist asked a 113 year old man about the secret of his longevity. The old man simply stated: "When it rains, I let it."

Don't sweat the small stuff. And remember: Everything is small stuff.
~ Funny inspirational saying ~

If you're feeling stressed out it's because you're not living in reality, but in your mind. So, say with me: "Never mind!"
~ Soren Lauritzen ~ , the Personal Development Guy

Do Your Best

But how to do it - whatever it is you want to do? Mechanically because you feel you have to? With pleasure because you want to?

simply as best you can because you choose to? Just like everything else in life it's your choice. (Tip: The two latter possibilities yield better results and experiences).

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.
~ Funny inspirational quote ~

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.
~ Henry Ward Beecher ~

It is a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
~ W. Somerset Maugham ~

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.
~ Flip Wilson ~

To get the best, simply give your best.
~ Soren Lauritzen ~ , the Personal Development Guy

If you don't do it excellently, don't do it at all. Because if it's not excellent, it won't be profitable or fun, and if you're not in business for fun or profit, what the hell are you doing there?
~ Robert Townsend ~

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.
~ Josh Groban ~

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.
~ Albert Einstein ~

Stay Positive

Life is founded on unconditional love and supports you no matter what you choose to be, have, think, feel or do.

The primary way that life does this is by letting your state of being (your 'beingness') becomes your experience. Whatever you yourself are, you will experience.

This is great news, since it means that you are in charge of your experience.

Should you be an optimist or a pessimist? Well, life will support you in either choice. So the question isn't whether or not the optimist or the pessimist is right, but what kind of life experience you want. Be a pessimist and be right. Be an optimist and be right. Which do you prefer?
~ Soren Lauritzen ~ , the Personal Development Guy

When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
~ Sydney Harris ~

An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; a pessimist, that it's half-empty; an engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be; the ego will tell you that you only have half the beer you need; and me ... I'll probably tell you that if you let go of your need for the glass or the beer to be anything other than what they are, you'll be happy. Of course my aunt will tell you that if you let go of the glass, it'll break and the beer will stain the carpet.
~ Soren Lauritzen ~ , the Personal Development Guy

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
~ Funny inspirational saying ~

An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.
~ Funny inspirational saying ~

Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
~ Tommy Cooper ~

How to Win the Game of Life

About the only time losing is more fun than winning is when you're fighting temptation.
~ Tom Wilson ~

If you are like most people you tend to see things in opposites ... and prefer winning to losing.

Even though that's not most pleasurable way of seeing things (because you'll always either win or lose instead of just enjoying what is), it will make you ask one very funny question: "In the game of life, how do you 'win'?"

In the game of life you win by playing.
~ Soren Lauritzen ~ , the Personal Development Guy