Very Funny Weird Duck Joke about ... Shall We Say ... Duck Soup

by No Name
(Nowhere)

(Visitor's very funny weird duck joke:)

A woman taking a walk in the woods was surprised to have a small white duck covered in shit waddle into her path looking mighty distressed.

She too pity on it and cleaned it off with a Kleenex. The cleaned up duck looked relieved and waddled on, and the woman continued her walk - only to be surprised as another small white duck waddled out into the path, covered in shit.

So, the woman took out another Kleenex and cleaned that one off, too. It waddled off, happy to be clean, and the woman continued the walk - only to be very surprised by a third shit covered little white duck.

Beginning to feel a bit tired of all the dirty work and wondering what the heck was going on, the woman cleaned off the duck and continued her walk. A few moments later a man's voice called out to her from somewhere inside the forest:

"Hey lady, out there on the path. Yes, you. Have you got any Kleenex?"

"Well no," the woman answered, "not anymore!"

"Damn," the man said, "I guess I'll just have to use another duck, then."

Chinese Duck Joke

by Millie Jones
(Wales, UK)

A couple go to a Chinese restaurant and order chop suey. The waiter brings out a pot with a lid but the couple don't get around to eating, because every so often the lid lifts up a tiny bit and a tiny pair of eyes peer out at the couple.

Finally, the stunned man calls the waiter over, points out the weird situation, and says, "No matter what, we're not going to eat that. Are you sure that's chop suey?"

"Oh I'm sorry sir," the waiter replies, "That's my mistake - I've brought you Peking duck."

Duck! More Duck Jokes Coming!

by Andrew P.
(Down Under)

Which side of the Duck has the most feathers?
The outside!

--- ... ---

A duck walks into a bar, hops up on a bar stool, looks up at the bar tender and says "I'll have a beer".

The bartender says "Hey! You can talk! Where did you come from?"

The duck replies, "I'm working the construction site across the street."

And the bartender says, "Well, what are you doing, working construction when you could be making millions on TV or in the circus?"

And the duck shakes his tiny head and replies, "No, no. What would TV or the circus want with a brick layer?"

--- ... ---

A duck walks into a pharmacy, and asks for Chapstick. The cashier says, "Cash or check?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my bill."

--- ... ---

Why do ducks fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk.

--- ... ---

Six Silly Puns and Groaners

by john-john
(Brisbane)

(Visitor's silly puns and groaners):

Inspired by Ringo's comment on the Chinese Duck joke elswhere on this page ... where he was using some really bad puns, I thought I'd chip in with more bad buns, sorry, puns:

A Wolf in sheep's clothing is a wear-wool-f.

Priests who think themselves good at their job surely have an altar ego.

Did you hear about the X-ray specialist who married one of his patients?
Everybody wondered what he saw in her.

How do you make a cigarette lighter?
Give it a good think now ...
The answer is simple:
You take out all the tobacco.

The shop assistant asked whether I wanted it measured in Pounds or Kilos, so I just told him that either weigh would do.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

The Breast Jokes Ever

by Johnnyboy
(Somewhere in the World)

Hi folks,
Some of you love ducks and duck jokes, but I prefer breasts and breast jokes, he he he, enjoy ...

I had this awful nightmare! In my dream Dolly Parton was my mother, but I was a bottle baby!

What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on ahead; I'll give these two a lift ...

Why is the Wonder Bra called that? Because when the lady takes it off you wonder where her tits went.

- Johnnyboy