Very Short Jokes & Funny One Liners

• Here is our collection of very short jokes - our guideline here is; the shorter the joke, the greater the laugh!
• On this page you will find argument jokes, alcohol jokes, funny food jokes, masturbation jokes, men and women jokes, death jokes, funny religious jokes and lighting jokes . 

Arguable Short Jokes ... Are Not ... Are Too ... Are Not ...
~ Argument Jokes

- A single fact can ruin a good argument.

- Do not argue with an idiot; he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

- Never argue with a fool ... he may be doing the same thing.

- Many arguments have two sides, but no end.

- The wise speak when they have something to say, the fools speak when they have to say something.

- The best way to get a woman to argue with you, is to say something.

Jokeaholic? Jokes about Being Drunk
~ Alcohol Jokes

- Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.

- 12 months of drinking low-calorie beer is 1 lite year.

- A drunk who works at an upholstery shop is a recovering alcoholic.

- Rehabilitation is for quitters.

- Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems … but if you think again neither does milk.

- You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Short Funny Jokes from Our Salad Days
~ Funny Food Jokes

- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

- The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.

- What kind of lettuce did they serve on The Titanic? Iceberg!

- Waiter, waiter! There's a caterpillar on my salad. Don't worry sir, there is no extra charge.

- Boss asks secretary; "Do you know the difference between Caesar Salad and a blowjob is?" "No ...", says the secretary. "Great, let's do lunch!" The boss says.

For more very short jokes on a related 'food' topic see Fruity Short Hilarious Jokes on the page Short Hilarious Jokes.

Funny One Liners That May Come in Handy
~ Masturbation Jokes

- Having sex is like playing bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

- Masturbation is a solo played on a private organ.

- It's okay for a schoolboy to masturbate, as long as it's not against his principal.

- Prostitute with her hand in her panties is "self employed".

- A vigorous masturbation session is called "Hand to Gland Combat".

- Learn to masturbate; it comes in handy.

- A man who cries while he masturbates is a real tearjerker.

Short Hilarious Jokes About the Differences Between Men and Women
~ Men and Women Jokes

- Men screw with dicks; women screw with minds.

- Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

- Few women admit their age; few men act it.

- For every woman with a curve, there are several men with angles.

For more very short jokes on at related topic see Best Short Jokes Ever About Marriage on the page Best Short Jokes Ever.

Very Short Jokes that Hit the Dead Centre
~ Funny Death Jokes

- Undertakers are nice; they're the last to let people down.

- The only truly consistent people are dead.

- A will is a dead giveaway.

- A Shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.

- Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.

- We are all part of the ultimate statistic - ten out of ten die.

- "City morgue, you kill em, we chill em!" "City morgue, you stab em we slab em!"

- Why do they have a high fence around the graveyard? Everyone is dying to get in.

For more very short jokes on a related topic see Dead-Alive Advice on the page Short Hilarious Jokes.

 Jokes That You Shouldn't Put too Much Faith in
~ Funny Religious Jokes

- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

- The difference between the Pope and your boss; The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

- He who sleeps on bed of nails, is indeed a holy man.

- God didn't promise a calm passage. He promised a safe landing.

- What kind of fun does a priest have? Nun!

- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Short Funny Jokes that Will Light up Your Day
~ Lighting Jokes

- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

- My mind works like lightning; One brilliant flash and it is gone.

- The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

- Miners with illuminated helmets will feel lightheaded.

- Beauty is only a light switch away.

- What is the difference between "light" and "hard"? You can sleep with a light on.

- This isn't an office; It's hell with fluorescent lighting.