Big Compilation of Funny Confucius Jokes

by Jake Livingston
(Mesa, AZ)

Confucius say: He who must choose to amputate leg, find himself in delimba.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Man with beard who go down on woman, come back up with perm.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Woman nympho like TV pizza commercial, "Hot N Ready".
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Woman nympho like TV hamburger commercial, "Hot N Juicy".
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Man who catch large water rodent, get wet beaver.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Virgin woman who pricks at her cherry pit, devirginize herself.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Man who make furniture with woman, eventualy get in drawers.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Sexually turned on fireman who get close to fire, may burn wood.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Horny teenage boy always invite girl to drive-in movie in "Woody Wagon" (visitor welcomes any comments and suggestions readers may have with this one)
~ Jake Livingston ~

More Funny Confucius

by Jake Livingston
(Mesa, AZ.)

Confucius say: Nude man who walk small dog in 100 degree weather, have hot weiner.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: She who drink too much beer before doctor visit, get papstsmeared.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: She who flat chested alcoholic, may always have AA.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Large breasted woman tax return, claim 2 dependents.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: George Washington not tell lie. Not cut down cherry, just cracky open.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Man who hungry and horny, will satisfy needs at Crack-in-Box.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: History say the word "Cracker" name given by slaves from sound of whip from Cowboy herding cows, Not true. Name given for pockets of air making cracking noise from Cowgirl crack bouncing up and down on saddle.
~ Jake Livingston ~

And Even More Confucius

by Jake Livingston
(Mesa ,AZ)

Confucius say: Woman not like date Bronc Buster, done in 8 seconds.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius confused: If baseball man with 4 balls can walk, still not understand how can walk with 2 dicks?
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: CEO man who miss hole when having sex, think outside the box.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Boy who drive on slick road with hot girl in rain must watch for sign, "Slippery when wet!"
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Sweaty man who crazy-nut-job that run stupid in 100 degree mental ward no doubt, have loose nuts.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Man who wear tight pants also no doubt enjoy holiday ballet play, "Nutcracker".
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Man who fat that look in mirror sideway and naked, look like letter Q.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Girl who knock on nineties president white house door at Halloween and say trick or treat, always take trick.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Woman who magician by day and prostitute by night, always turn tricks.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Hooker who visit navy ship, get filled up with seamen.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Woman who marry man who fish for living that douch or not, always smell like tuna.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Nude man who eat chestnuts over flame, have "Nuts roasting on open fire".
~ Jake Livingston ~

And Yet More Confucius Again

by Jake Livingston
(Mesa, AZ)

Confucius say: Woman who make money working party filling balloon, get pay for blow job!
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius confused: When squirrel run up bull leg and find mother-load huge nuts, not understand how fit in pouch!
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Officer who write in journal while sitting on crapper, have captain's log.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Woman who big breasted hillbilly that have many containers of moonshine, have mother-load jugs.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Man who wife shitty cook, flies volunteer help fix screen door!
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: School teacher man lose marbles and get fired loses faculty.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Wood worker man who purchase wood glue is foolish when can give self-wood and shoot own wood sticky glue on project!
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: History say chicken cross road to get to other side. Not true. Chicken cross road because stupid!
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Squirrel who capable of storing many chestnuts in cheek pouch, have big nut sack.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Older, bitchy woman who find herself on date with man and open mouth to speak, no doubt get men-a-pause.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: She who all American red blooded woman enjoy baseball, apple pie, and all beef stiff hot dog with steaming hot shooting mayo.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Confucius say: Man who love sex as much as Mexican food, always get hot taco with steaming sour cream.
~ Jake Livingston ~

Woman Pilot Who Fly Upside Down

by Marty
(Lakeside, CA)

Confucius says: Woman pilot who fly upside down soon have crack up.
~ Marty ~

Man Who Cross River

by ksub
(ontario)

Man who cross river twice and not get wet is dirty double crosser.
~ ksub ~